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I first met Sally when she was singing in a funk band at university. We are both singers – I’m in a rock band – and we have got mutual friends, so we got to know each other. We have been together for nearly two years now.
I did not know what arthritis actually was. I thought old people got achy joints, but now I see the impact it has, especially on a younger person. It can be restrictive, which makes things a bit complicated – but we work through it.
Sharing experiences
Talking about it is the most important way to deal with arthritis, or any condition. If you are hiding your feelings from someone then there is no point being in the relationship. You have to be open and share the experience.
Sometimes tempers fly, but that is natural – you have to discuss how you are feeling. It was hard for me to express myself at first, particularly because I have anxiety problems, but it has got easier as we have grown in the relationship.
Out and about
Music is a common interest, but access to venues can be a problem. Most places are quite restrictive, very few have a lift, and it is obviously difficult for Sally to get up and down stairs. I do worry about her getting knocked and stuff. If someone swipes her by accident she will be in a whole world of pain
I have always been pretty thoughtful, but I am much more aware now. I take little things into consideration: will it be too far to walk, or will it be cold? Should I bring the wheelchair and extra blankets?
Keeping positive
Sometimes I just want to take Sally’s pain away, but I cannot, so I have to make her feel as comfortable as possible. The lack of control is heartbreaking. With flu, you give someone a cold and flu remedy drink and keep them warm, but if they’re in agonising pain because of arthritis, and the painkillers aren’t working, there’s nothing you can do.
All relationships have ups and downs, but it is important to remain positive and communicate. If one partner has a long-term condition, there’s more responsibility for the other person to do stuff.
Sometimes it’s hard to be happy within yourself, and look after somebody that much, but if you talk about things, it can be done. It can be very rewarding.
Robin Crump
