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I first met Sally when she was singing in a funk band at university. We’re both singers – I’m in a rock band – and we’ve got mutual friends, so we got to know each other. We’ve been together nearly two years now.
I didn’t know what arthritis actually was. I thought old people get achy joints, but now I see the impact it has, especially on a younger person. It can be restrictive, which makes things a bit complicated, but it’s something we work through.
Sharing experiences
Talking about it is the main thing in dealing with arthritis, or any condition. If you are hiding your feelings from someone then there’s no point being in the relationship. You have to be open and share the experience.
Sometimes tempers fly, but that’s natural – you have to discuss how you’re feeling. It was hard for me to express it at first, particularly because I have anxiety problems, but it’s got easier as we’ve grown in the relationship.
Out and about
Music is a common interest, but access to venues can be a problem. Most places are quite restrictive, very few have a lift, and it’s obviously difficult for Sally to get up and down stairs. I do worry about her getting knocked and stuff. If someone swipes her by accident she’ll be in a whole world of pain
I’ve always been pretty thoughtful, but I’ve become much more aware. It’s taking little things into consideration: will it be too far to walk, or will it be cold? Should I bring the wheelchair, or extra blankets?
Keeping positive
Sometimes you just want to take Sally’s pain away but I can’t, so I have to make her feel as comfortable as possible. The lack of control is heartbreaking. With flu, you give someone a Lemsip and keep them warm, but if they’re in agonizing pain because of arthritis, and the painkillers aren’t working, there’s nothing you can do.
All relationships have ups and downs, but it’s important to remain positive and communicate. If one partner has a long-term condition, there’s more responsibility for the other person to do stuff.
Sometimes it’s hard to be happy within yourself, and look after somebody that much, but if you talk about things it can be done. And it can be very rewarding.
Robin Crump
