Emotional impact

Many people who care for someone with arthritis say they sometimes feel strong emotions like anger, resentment and frustration. Often they feel guilty for having these feelings at all.

What the person with arthritis might feel

Caring for someone with a serious illness can be difficult enough, but imagine what it must feel like to be cared for. Your self-esteem gradually eroded by always having to ask for what you need; being dependent on others for even personal things like washing and dressing; and having to be constantly grateful.

All this and the pain and discomfort of your arthritis.

What you might feel

You might feel that you’ve no option but to take on the carer role; resentment at having to give up your job or juggle work and caring; a feeling of isolation as socialising and hobbies become more difficult to fit in; a sense you’re not appreciated; guilt that you’re neglecting other children or family members; and shame at feeling any of the above.

What can you do about it?

These emotions can have a damaging effect on your relationship with the person you care for and on you.

Carers UK estimates that carers are twice as likely to have mental health problems if they provide substantial care for someone else. So it’s vital that you don’t just sweep these feelings under the carpet.

Experienced carers say they find the following strategies helpful:

be honest about your feelings and accept that even the negative ones are perfectly normal. Jim Pollard’s book Caring for someone with arthritis has some refreshingly honest case studies by carers.

learn more about the emotions someone with arthritis might be feeling – including fear and anxiety on being newly diagnosed, and frustration and irritability caused by pain and lack of sleep. Arthritis Care’s Coping with Emotions booklet will tell you more.

get support from a wide range of sources designed to help you voice your emotions and reduce the stress that causes them. For example:

• talking to other carers – your GP or phone book should have details of carer support groups that meet locally. Call our helpline at Arthritis Care, visit www.carers.org for a range of discussion boards where you can share your experiences with other carers, or find out about the local Carers UK branches run by carers, for carers
• ask for a health and social care assessment – it’s your legal right to ask social services for this assessment on both the person you care for and you as the carer
• counselling or co-counselling – some people find support in talking about their situation with qualified counsellors
• take a break – if you’re caring for a partner or child, getting away as a couple or a family could give you the space to talk about how you’re feeling, or just enjoy each other’s company again. Respite care is an option if you need a break from your carer’s duties altogether